If it’s not society, our job, our family, our friends…
WE are adding the pressure to ourselves.
A little pressure will help you grow, a lot of pressure will keep you stagnant.

Pressure comes at us from all angles.

Pressure from society, pressure from our friends, pressure from our family, pressure from work.
Pressure from juggling timelines, deliverables, schedules, responsibilities.
The majority of our day revolves around what requires attention and effort from us.

We say “yes” to things to get ahead at work. We say “yes” to friends and family to be helpful.
But how often do we say “yes” to ourselves and what we need?
Why do we make it okay to put this excess pressure on ourselves?
Why do we make this a common practice?
Why don’t we think about ourselves with the same level of importance as everything else?

Reading, writing, being creative and fleshing out my ideas.
Self-care appointments, taking time off, going to my favorite coffee shops.
These are activities I love but used to push aside.
I didn’t see them as a necessity because I let other things take precedence. I wanted to make time for them, but I put them on the “I’ll get to it later” list. I didn’t prioritize myself and the things that, for me, give me a sense of accomplishment and purpose and peace.
I looked at my never-ending list of work and life responsibilities and let myself get overwhelmed figuring out the Tetris puzzle of where to put everything. So I ended up letting another day pass without doing the things that are actually important to me.
Until I changed the behavior and shifted my mindset.

Besides the outside sources of pressure, there’s the pressure we put on ourselves.

Neglecting ourselves is one thing, but what about the pressure we willingly add when we are already bursting at the seams?
The pressure to be better, to do better, to do more, to give more, to make more.
The pressure pushes us to set a pace that’s not feasible to keep up with; it’s not sustainable long-term.
Some pressure is healthy, too much leads to burnout.

I still struggle with this one.
I get anxious and my motivation tanks when I let myself run on fumes, when the pressure causes me to boil over and all my energy spills out.
I start to lose sight of the purpose of what I’m doing. I end up either half-assing it, pushing it off, or having a meltdown. One thing my husband is very good at is taking the emotions out of the equation and being realistic about situations. That is 99% of the time not me, but it’s never too late to try something new!

Because I hate to admit it, he’s right about some things:

Very rarely are there urgent things that I need to stress about handling right away. It most likely can wait until I can make the time for it.
Breaking things into chunks makes more sense than tackling something as a whole. Taking any steps towards completing something is better than not starting at all.
I have this constant sense that I will miss out on an opportunity if I don’t do something about it right away. Realistically that’s not true and could cause me to make bad choices in the end. More often than not, taking the time to think it through will yield a better result.

All of this aside, in the end, it’s important to remember one thing:
we ultimately have control over how much pressure we let ourselves feel.

Make sure you start placing value on what’s important to you.
Carve out time for your interests, your activities, your desires. That’s what’s going to refresh you, give you motivation, propel you forward, and keep the pressure at a healthy level.
Because a healthy level of pressure is beneficial; it pushes you to grow.
But cut out the pressure you place on yourself wherever possible because you are only hindering yourself further.
Give yourself some grace. You are doing your best in this wild life that feels like it’s going at high speed.

Sometimes your expectations are going to get in the way of your progress.
If we place too much pressure on ourselves, and then we stumble or we fail, we blame ourselves. It affects our mental health, it affects our output going forward, it makes us feel like success is always just out of reach. I’m not saying to lower your expectations, but make them more reasonable and realistic.
Because one step forward, hell… one step back (inevitable side effect of progress), is still better than standing still.
We can’t grow in stasis.

What can you do to keep a healthy level of pressure:

• Check in with yourself often. Are you meeting your needs or forgetting about them?

• Start saying no to things. There are other people who can say yes, it doesn’t always have to be you. 

• Start setting boundaries. So you can prioritize what you value and protect your mental health. 

• Learn your limits. You are not a rubberband, don’t stretch yourself so thin that you break. 

• Set a pace you can sustain. You only have so much time to do all the things that need to be done. Have a plan to guide you and space things out at a pace you can keep.  

• Structure your day to the best of your ability. Shit happens, but having some kind of structure can give you the least amount of resistance and surprise. 

• Reassess the expectations you have of yourself. You are one person and can’t do it all, so make sure you are adjusting expectations as needed to keep your anxiety down. 

• Don’t set yourself up for failure. When you think about what you want to do and what you need to do, space things out because not everything needs to be done today, next week, or this month. 

• Reassure yourself that it’s not just you. Everyone lets the pressure get to them, but remember that you have the real control over how it affects you. Those who look good under pressure have likely learned this concept.

• Celebrate all the victories. I don’t care how small you think they are, celebrate them. You are given one life, so you better have some fun along the way!

Until next time,