Thirties Are For Thriving
My twenties were for building the beautiful life I have now through trial and error, through heartache and fun. Becoming who I was meant to be, learning to let go, kicking ass at finances, and thriving on every level of adulthood.
Thirty was old to me.
I never wanted to think about getting to my parent’s age when I was growing up.
I mean, I wanted to be able to do all the adult things without actually getting old.
Because that’s realistic right?
And what the hell was I rushing to get to?
I was so young and naive in my glamourized visions of what adulthood would be like. Because when I hit my twenties, I realized real quick that my visions were not reality. Adulthood was definitely not what I thought it would be, and I was hella unprepared.
My twenties were a wild ride.
It was littered with a ton of fun times and, dare I say, somewhat dangerous times where I was left wondering how I made it out alive. But there was also so much heartbreak, so much stress, so much questioning my worth and my choices. I made a lot of mistakes, I tried a lot of new things, and I had a lot of trial and error.
Oh and drama. There was a lot of drama.
I’m pretty sure I thought my life was over every other weekend. How many times did you think your life was over when things didn’t go as planned? How melodramatic did you get when things didn’t go your way? Though extreme, that’s what it felt like in my little world that revolved around me. How was I supposed to believe that it possibly gets better the older you get?
My thirties have been full of revelations.
What I didn’t realize was happening in my twenties, was that I was setting myself up for where I am now. My emotions and feelings became more reasonable, my tunneled vision expanded, and I started to settle into thinking adulthood ain’t that bad. I was able to see that my twenties were giving me opportunities and experiences for learning and for growing. My twenties provided the rain I needed so that I could bloom and blossom.
It wasn’t until my thirties that I started to let go of things.
This was a difficult task for me. Letting go of things was not something I was used to. I have a burning need to prove myself right and get my point across. This may very well be a Croatian thing as most of my family is stubborn and thinks they’re right. But what I started to realize though, is not everyone cares. Hearing your explanations, getting your side of the story, is not something everyone is interested in. Once you realize who to stop wasting your time and breath on, you find some freedom in letting it go. You may never get closure from a friendship, relationship, family member, co-worker, or whoever. People will think what they want about you no matter what you have to say, and no matter how hard you think you can change their mind if they would just listen to you.
Let them.
I know it’s hard, but those that love you, those that will be there for you time and time again, they know who you really are. They know your real intentions, they know your real behaviors, and most importantly they know your heart. Trust in that. Trust in the fact that you are a fantastic human being. And if someone doesn’t appreciate that, if someone doesn’t understand that, it’s not up to you to convince them.
Let them go.
And let go of the people that have hurt you for the exact same reasons.
Past romantic relationships and past platonic relationships, let them go. They showed their true colors to you and you need to listen to that. Chances are they showed you again and again and again who they really were. Red flag after red flag, you stayed blind. Maybe you made excuses for their behavior. Maybe you told yourself it will get better. Maybe you think of all the good times so you tolerate the bad ones. But likely you were just settling because it was easier than facing the truth. You don’t have any more time to waste on that kind of nonsense.
So repeat after me: Let. That. Shit. Go.
Timelines were also a struggle for me to let go of.
I constantly thought I was running against some invisible clock. Holding on to those ridiculous timelines was actually wasting my time. It caused me to stay in those relationships that were going nowhere, those friendships that were one-sided, and those jobs that were dead ends. I thought I was running out of time because society told me when it was acceptable to get married, to have kids, to make a certain amount of money, to buy a house and stop renting. Then I got to my thirties officially, and I woke up. I realized that I was placing immense pressure on myself for no reason. Everything that happens in my life is up to me and only me. I literally have decades in front of me to accomplish everything I want. And you know what else happened when I let go of timelines? My priorities changed. Kids are not at the forefront of my life plan anymore because I value other things more. Had I fallen completely to societal expectations, I could have ended up feeling some level of regret or unhappiness with the decision.
It wasn’t until my thirties that I became more optimistic.
I had the belief that everything was happening to me. It was very much a victim mentality. I took zero accountability for anything in my twenties. Which didn’t do anything positive for me. It made me a pessimistic person, it made me defensive, it attracted negative energy. In my thirties, I adopted the belief that everything happens for a reason. If you want to continue playing the victim, then you are going to find those people who either feel the same way, validate your feelings, or offer you sympathy. If you want to finally stop feeling sorry for yourself, then you are going to make moves that lead you to a positive mindset which then leads you to attract more positive people and situations.
Changing your mindset is a powerful tool.
The glass is not half empty and it’s not half full. It’s both. You are just choosing the perspective that makes you feel worse instead of better. And yes, it is in fact really that simple. In the end, you are in control. No one was making me the victim but me. When I learned this concept, when I actually embraced it, I realized that meant I was in control of my outcomes. I could never be in control of every situation or circumstance, but I had the ability to change my perspective and decide what the outcome would be.
It wasn’t until my thirties that I started to look for quality over quantity.
Remember in your twenties (or if you’re there now), how you thought it was all about how many people you know? You think all these people are your friends when really you probably met one time in person or only ever communicated over the internet. Let’s not even talk about how shallow connections were. We didn’t care for the depths of their personalities, their ambitions, their dreams and aspirations. We cared about what are they wearing, who are they dating, who don’t they like, and are they party people or not. And if you didn’t talk every day, you would likely get cut off real quick.
But then I hit my thirties and realized it was too much work to keep up with other people’s neediness.
Those people who don’t understand that life gets busy. Careers get busy, households get busy, calendars get busy. You barely have time to relax let alone answer the avalanche of messages. Even worse, those people who expect you to be in constant communication or be the one that always makes contact. That’s exhausting. It’s like a full-time job in itself. In your thirties, you want those people who understood. Those people that still feel connected to you no matter how much time has passed between texts or canceled get-togethers. Those people who you form deep connections and bond with over common goals for a better life. Those people who lift each other up no matter time and distance. Those people are dimes among pennies. You hold on to those people because they are quality-cut humans and are adding to your life, not taking from it.
It wasn’t until my thirties that I started to educate myself on the realities of adulthood.
If only I was educated on how adulthood really operates, I wouldn’t have had to spend my twenties making some costly mistakes. Costly in the sense of my time and money.
If 35-year-old me could go back and be 18 again, I would 1000000% have not taken out student loans.
If 35-year-old me could go back and tell my early 20s self to not cash out a 401k, I would have had that plus compound interest saved in my investments by now.
If 35-year-old me could go back and tell her 20s self to stop carrying boys financially and emotionally because I’m not their mother, I would have dropped some of that baggage a lot sooner.
Finances were a subject I needed a lot of education on.
They don’t teach you shit about real-world finances in school. I think one time in high school we pretended to buy stocks. We watched them for like a month and journaled in a little notebook. That was it, and I did terribly. So how was that to be at all helpful for my investment future? I avoided stocks because I didn’t know anything about them, and I thought it was all too complex. I avoided saving money because I didn’t know where to start, and consumerism was more my style. If I think too much about the financial mistakes I made, it angers me. But I really should be angry at myself because I let myself ignore the real issue. Now I won’t shut up about finances. Just ask Ryan and all my friends that have to hear about it.
I am thriving in all aspects of my thirties and finances are just one area.
I’m proud of how far I’ve come and my level of understanding. Education is literally the key to unlocking every door that you think is closed to you. And I’m not talking formal education because, if we’re being honest, it’s mostly a joke. I’m talking about seeking out information that is applicable, information that is readily available, information that is specific to your needs and situation, information that doesn’t cost you decades to pay off. I’m going to plug the resources most valuable to me over the last year. The podcasts Financial Feminist and ChooseFI, as well as the books I Will Teach You to Be Rich and The Simple Path to Wealth. If you truly want to get your shit together when it comes to finances and the gaps in equality, you will find inspiration with these.
It wasn’t until my thirties that I became who I was meant to become.
This is a concept I never understood before. I think part of my ignorance was simply avoidance and unwillingness to accept it. I thought I knew who I was and that I had developed into the person I was supposed to be. How do you simply just change into something else after so many years of existing? Also, I’m pretty sure I wanted to prove my mother wrong. Again… I just had to be right. But as I waded through life’s challenges, as I was tested, as I was broken. I was built back better. I was molded into what I was meant to be. Because in the process, I’ve let go of what was holding me back. I stopped letting others damper the light inside of me. I learned to be optimistic. I learned to change my perspective and my mindset. I chose quality over quantity and education over ignorance.
What I’ve realized in my thirties, what I hope you realized, is that choices aren’t set in stone, the path isn’t already carved, and the past doesn’t define me or you.
That it’s what you do with the gift of time, not what society tells you you should be doing with your time.
That you aren’t the victim, you’re the attacker. Get off the defense and start making offensive moves. Things aren’t happening to you, you’re just not doing anything about it. It’s time to make this the best decade yet!
Until next week,
