Learn how to approach self-help books, products, and services without getting overwhelmed, by keeping an open mind, and putting what you’ve read into action.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? 
That I would hate self-help books. Considering I focus on helping women shatter through what’s holding them back from achieving things in their lives. Awfully hypocritical, awfully sus. But let me explain because I think you’ll find that it makes perfect sense, and I think you’ll see that I’m not the only one with these views. 

The success of a self-help book, article, post, and everything in between is subjective.

It varies vastly between individuals and not everyone will come to the same conclusions, emotions, and thoughts on the same readings. After all, humans, are complex creatures.

I personally struggled with the validity of self-help books.

I believe in science and proof. Not to mention my whole career has been based on both of them. I want facts, I want statistics, I want something replicable, I want something proven over and over again, and I want the information to be consistent across many different scenarios and variables. I wasn’t overly accepting of people's personal journeys, thoughts, opinions, and advice trying to dictate my life.

That is until I got older. 

Until I started looking for specific topics such as finance, and I saw how it applied to my current situation. Finally, I could accept that this category of books can be helpful and that I do enjoy some self-help readings. I realized that part of the reason I hated self-help was that I wasn't connecting with things that were designed and targeted to previous generations. I needed modern approaches to timeless problems. I needed a fresh perspective that related to me. 

I had my own walls up, and I was too stubborn to tear them down because I thought I knew better.

I thought that I knew everything there was to know and how to handle any problems that I was faced with. And sure, I did and we do have a lot of these obvious tidbits of information stored in our brains already. Located somewhere behind the more immediate issues and responsibilities. Besides the tidbits being pushed to the back of our skulls, we also lack the desire, the motivation, the tools to actually put them into practice. It's not until something feels like it speaks to us. It's not until something is relatable to us at that moment. It's not until someone else’s perspective of something mirrors our own. That's when we start paying attention. That’s when we start listening.

But what usually ends up happening when we read these self-help items?

You’re only thinking about the information at the moment you’re reading it. You get amped up about what you’re reading, you feel unstoppable, and you’re starting to think you can really turn things around. But then that feeling dissipates the moment you close the book. All the notes you took start collecting dust. Maybe you think about it from time to time. But now that you’re not actively reading it or engaged in the content, you are once again getting comfortable in your life. You settle on in and decide it’s not worth the effort to change because things are fine the way they are. They really aren’t as bad as you were originally thinking, so you just carry on with the way things always were and forget you ever tried to make things better. And this cycle repeats again and again. Until you’re back to searching for the same information at another point in time in the future.

And let’s be real for a minute. 

You probably don’t need to be told most of these things you are reading. But reading them does a couple of things. It gives your endorphins and dopamine a nice boost, and you start to feel good about the potential. It also gives you a reason to put off doing anything about solving your problem because the more time you put into collecting information, into taking notes, into planning everything, you will lose motivation for the actual application of it. 

You get so caught up in the endless amount of information you found that you forget it’s not magic.

You forget that just reading it or writing it down is not going to change your life. The only way things change for you is if you do something about it. How effective is it if you don’t actually apply the information? And even worse, how effective is it if you end up feeling bad about yourself because you aren’t doing any of the things it’s saying you should do?

And what are you investing in? 

Are you investing in yourself or simply contributing to someone else’s pockets? If you aren’t applying the knowledge, if you are simply overindulging in consumerism, then you aren’t making a smart investment. The self-help umbrella is massive and has extensive reach. It’s full of opportunities for everyone to contribute to and benefit from. Unfortunately, that also leaves it susceptible to being a predatory environment. It means you have to be more careful, you have to be more aware. You can’t just let yourself get so lost in everything that you are reading that you become a victim. That you let your guard down and allow yourself to get lost in the researching, the scrolling, the believing in instant fixes and just buying things to buy them.

More books, more products, more services. 

You start to get overloaded with recommendations and additional things you have to read or purchase. It starts to get overwhelming, and you don’t know how to filter it. Your Amazon cart is overflowing, your bank account is dwindling, your motivation is dying, and you’re self-esteem and confidence are suffering. Take a deep breath. Focus on one thing and one item at a time. When you finish that, move on to the next item. Take your time. You didn’t get to the point you are at overnight. It’s going to take longer to get where you want to be. Give yourself time and take that unnecessary added pressure off of yourself. I’m speaking to both you and myself since I tend to not always practice what I preach. 

Think of self-help as a collection of advice, experience, and information. 

It’s not a set of standards, rules, or laws. And It’s most definitely not guaranteed to work. Sure there is some truth behind it, but most of it is opinion-based, it’s situational, it’s unique to the author. Even if it’s relevant and relatable, take it all with a grain of salt and realize that not everything may translate for you and your situation. And that's okay.

It doesn’t mean you failed. 

It doesn’t mean you or your situation isn’t something you can fix. It means that you have an opportunity to use what you’ve read and develop the tools to get to a similar outcome or adapt what you’ve read to your own set of goals that work for you. Because It's not about cloning the same outcome, it's about being able to practically apply what you are reading to your own life. It’s an incredible value to be able to learn from others’ losses and wins.

So what can you do to make self-help something you love and not something you hate? 

• Read slowly to absorb the information. You don't need to finish the entire thing in one sitting. Take time to digest what you are reading, maybe even apply some items and find some success, then come back to the next pieces of information

• Find the portions of information that speak to you and pursue them for your own life. But don’t forget that you have to actually apply what you learn. 

• Use the information as a guide for you, not a set of rules - this gives you flexibility, personalization, and hopefully eliminates feelings of guilt or failure if it doesn’t work out on the first try.

• Understand that you don't have to solve all your problems at once

• Realize that you may need professional assistance to overcome what you are struggling with and that it is perfectly okay

• Following a plan like this will keep you open-minded and increase your chances of applying the information to behaviors and actions or seeking help when you really need it

Until next week,