Are You Standing in Your Own Way?
It’s been a while since I have written for pleasure and not for necessity.
So when I was asked to explore my personal path to overcoming obstacles,
I was eager to reflect on it and share.
My automatic response to challenges and obstacles was playing the victim. It’s far easier to look at the situation with a small lens rather than focus on the whole picture. When I started to zoom out and assess from a more thoughtful perspective, I was better able to see that I had a lot more to do with the situation than just simply being an unfortunate casualty. With time and revelation came accountability and adaptability. I realized I was an active participant in standing in my own way.
From abusive relationships, to imposter syndrome, to dealing with life-changing medical conditions, it was easy to slip into the victim mentality when things went wrong. Casting blame on everything I couldn’t control made it someone else’s problem instead of my own. This avoidance was as reflexive as breathing for me. But it wasn’t fixing the problem, it was only creating bigger bullet holes that band-aids could no longer cover.
It came with an extensive list of trials and errors to get to the point of healing deeper rooted issues and developing the tools needed to get through obstacles. There have been a few key themes that have been pillars in this process for me.
Always have some sort of plan and manage your expectations.
A plan in this capacity is not meant to be stringent and rigid, it’s meant to provide structure and guidance. You are ultimately responsible for how you feel and how you act when something doesn’t go as planned. Part of making a plan is to include alternatives and accept that some things are out of your control. It’s easy to blame outside sources when things go wrong. However, being able to manage my expectations and build in flexibility has saved me from frustration, disappointment, and quitting
Seek advice only when necessary.
Everyone is going to have an opinion on what they think you should do and, even worse, what they think you are doing wrong. But it’s important to me to not be swayed from my ideas easily. I am a highly educated woman who has an extensive collection of life and career experiences. Trusting myself and my abilities has built my confidence and reassured me that I am more than capable of overcoming obstacles.
It’s okay to not be okay.
You could have stacked the last piece into place and then a gust of wind blows through and ruins your house of cards you have so cautiously and carefully constructed. Not every situation, not every obstacle can be calculated and manipulated into what I need it to be or what I thought it would be. I have learned to give myself grace and respect my feelings and mental health. Sometimes it’s more beneficial to admit that I’m affected by what is happening than try to cover it up. I let myself feel the feelings, I let myself have the moment I need to get over it, but I never fall back into the victim role.
Remember how far you have come.
You worked hard to get where you are in life. To let one obstacle topple over all your progress would mean you didn’t learn from the past. For me, growth is such a large part of my success. In the past, I would let any little setback break me. I would get anxious and breakdown which would prevent me from being able to constructively think through and find solutions. This was a learned behavior that I needed to end, but it was deeply rooted into who I was. When I was able to focus on how far I’ve come rather than how far I felt I still needed to go, it helped change my mindset and redirect my focus to eliminate my anxiety and remind me I am more than competent.
Productivity doesn’t mean you always have to be doing something.
If you don’t take time to rest, your body will do it for you. I have a few behaviors that tend to be on the extreme side and cause me to self-sabotage. My need for perfectionism and independence makes it hard to relinquish control or take a break when I need to. It’s very difficult to turn off the executive functions or not fill an empty time slot with an activity. I had to get comfortable with just sitting in silence, being idle, and enjoying the moment. Because as I realized that productivity can be found in rest, I was able to find peace. Allowing myself to rest increases my focus, resets my brain, and prepares me to face any future obstacles.
Until next time,
