My Release From Bedside Jail
How the nursing profession pushed me out of the bedside, and how informatics nursing became my new passion and ambition.
And how you can change your career and path too.
I feel like I should start this off by first stating that I’ve never even been arrested. So when I compare bedside nursing to jail, please know that it’s not a personal experience from which I compare the two. In fact, I didn’t even know there was a difference between jail and prison (thanks Google). That’s how much I don’t get in trouble. As I made my realization during my Google dive, I learned that I can describe bedside nursing as both.
It was like jail when I consider it in terms of shifts and being a novice nurse.
I arrived willingly, basically turned myself in. I put in the long days and nights. Some were busy, some incredibly boring. Luckily, I was always able to get out at the end of every shift. I got to leave those walls behind, go home for whatever length of time between my next stint, and try to forget about what happened to me while I was there. But every stint hardened me. I was making a career out of it. I got stuck in the cycle, and all it became to me was a coming and a going.
Now when I left each stint, it followed me home. I would hear call bells, I would panic about something I forgot to document, I worried I forgot to tell a fellow nurse something. It just became a normal part of my life after that.
It was like prison when you consider doing it for the rest of your life.
It didn’t matter where I was performing as a nurse, it still felt like a life sentence after enough time has passed. I transferred around to so many different facilities and tried various specialties. The uniform color might change, the duties might vary, but the bars all looked the same. I was confined to a department and floor. I did my time with the same people, day in and day out. I huddled in the common area for reports and to make sure we all showed up. I worried about someone stabbing me in the back, both realistically and metaphorically. This kind of life hardens you. I was always on someone else’s schedule. Whether it was a medication schedule, a timed procedure, or administration requests, time was never mine to control when I was in there. It was predictably unpredictable. Would I get a break that day? Did I even drink water in the last 12 hours? When was the last time I went to the bathroom?
And when you get out, you have trauma to deal with.
I know that something I did 5 years ago can come back to bite me at any moment. I still dream about situations and certain floors or departments I was on. I still think about patients I had or co-workers I spent time with. I especially think about the treatment I received, and how thankful I am that I escaped the cycle.
I got out, and I stayed out.
I knew that that wasn’t the life I wanted for myself anymore. I was miserable and it was affecting my life outside of the facilities. I made the conscious decision to change my life and the path of my career. I didn’t want to be like the older nurses with the back problems and the bitterness. I didn’t want one more freaking cake or hospital pen showing the administration’s “appreciation”. I needed actual change. It was so scary though. Leaving bedside nursing and working for the corporate world is not common in my field. Who was I outside of a hospital? What if I hated it? Could I go back to the bedside if I was out for too long? Would I lose my skills and regret it? I did the pros and cons list and considered all my options. I wanted to be smarter about it. I didn’t want to just jump ship because I was unhappy. It didn’t mean I would be happier somewhere else. I had to figure out what was important to me.
I cast my net wide though. I applied for everything that sounded interesting and needed a registered nurse. I didn’t even care if I didn’t meet all the requirements because that’s not important (more on that another time… wink wink). I did all the informational interviews, networked my way to other interviews, and I kept my options open. All of it would only help me and lead me to my goal in some way. I wasn’t in NEED of a new job, but I WANTED something better. I had the luxury of time and the ability to be picky. In the end I decided to go for it, and I took my first position as a Utilization Management Nurse Consultant for an insurance company.
FUN FACT: I applied for that same company 5 times over 3 years. Goes to show you that you need patience, you need determination, and you shouldn’t always take “no” as final. Sometimes it’s all about timing.
And I’m so glad I kept at it, and that I left bedside nursing behind.
Once I got out of toxic environments, I blossomed. When you start to work for a place that values you as an employee and treats you as more than a number, it encourages you to want to be there. I enjoyed going to work every day. I enjoyed being able to use the bathroom when I wanted, take a break when I wanted, and have some freedom with my day. I wasn’t dreading going back to work after a weekend. I used to spend my days off anxious to have to go back to work or crying about the stress of it. That’s not to say that the first job I took was everything I hoped it would be. But it was everything I needed it to be. Plus, I knew that there was always a nursing home if I couldn’t cut it in corporate America. There was a safety in knowing that. It gave me some kind of security. As the saying goes: once a nurse, always a nurse.
To be clear, It wasn’t bedside nursing as a whole that was the problem. I loved it actually.
It was the environment in which I needed to do my job in that I needed to escape. Healthcare needs major reform. And after the pandemic, it couldn’t be more apparent. So instead of letting my job control me, I took hold of my career. I left the crazy hours behind. I left the physical and emotionally abusive relationship that I had with bedside nursing. And I don’t ever plan on going back.
If you’re unhappy, break the cycle. Make a list of pros and cons. Decide what are “musts” for you. Decide what you won’t tolerate. Have a vision and set goals. Determine what you want out of life and then go get it. Cast that net wide, and be picky. Don’t just have a job, build a career. Don’t let a miserable environment change you.
Get out of your jail, get out of your prison.
Until next week,
