Role Reversal
Traditional roles are out, role reversal is in. There is no “his job” or “her job” anymore.
Learn how to work together instead of against one another through respect, support, and understanding.
It’s one day before my 5th wedding anniversary.
And I can honestly say that the only traditional role we have followed during our time together is the title of husband and wife.
Other than that, we don’t follow traditional roles. And neither of us resents the other for it.
I’m the breadwinner and he’s the homemaker.
We respect, we support, we understand each other.
We fostered a partnership that is mutually beneficial no matter the gender we identify with.
Role reversal and the death of traditional roles.
We accept that circumstances require us to shift. Traditionally, people assume certain roles in a relationship. Someone does the “man’s work” and someone does the “women’s work”. Gross, why is this still acceptable practice? The last time I checked it was 2022, not 1922 where women were expected to raise kids, keep a tidy house, and give emotional support to their husbands. Where we were just starting to see the rays of light dawning on our rights. It’s outdated to think that traditional roles still exist or still have a place in today’s relationships. It’s even more outdated to try and enforce it. Worse yet is to expect it’s someone’s responsibility to do certain things based on gender.
Ryan and I live by role reversal in almost all aspects of our marriage.
And we’re comfortable with it. He doesn’t make me feel guilty for not cooking, he doesn’t resent me if he has to do some laundry, and he certainly doesn’t expect me to stretch myself thin to live up to dead expectations society places on women. Just like I don’t resent him for sometimes making me take out the trash that seems to always rip on me. Or occasionally shovel the snow I hate so much unless I’m watching it from the couch all cozied up. I don’t make him feel guilty that I have to handle all the finances and bills either. We suck it up and just do it. I will admit though, I do complain from time to time. But my gratefulness for him outweighs my whining, so I only complain a smidge.
We realize it’s not 50/50.
It’s 80/20, it’s 70/30, maybe even sometimes 100%. The point is that these numbers are fluid, they are flexible. And you should be, too. Because at times certain tasks and aspects of your relationship will require one person to do more, to give more, to be more.
Ryan’s schedule is a cycle of 2-day shifts, 2-night shifts, and then 4 days completely off. That gives him a lot of extra time. I work Monday-Friday typically 8ish-5ish, and I have a lot of additional hobbies and interests. He cooks, he cleans, he does the laundry, he goes grocery shopping. And even though I work from home, he understands that my job is demanding and mental. He gives me the time and space to work on all my activities. Most importantly, he allows me to shut off and shut down without expecting me to pick up a chore.
But at the same time, I take care of a lot of behind-the-scenes for the household. I pay the bills, I know where our finances stand, I make sure the appointments are on the calendar, I make sure Chewy is scheduled so the animals don’t revolt. We often joke that if anything happened to either of us, Ryan would have a lot of overdue bills and I wouldn’t know my way around the kitchen anymore.
We can joke about these things because we have a healthy balance. The issue exists when one person is constantly being the one that everything falls on. Constantly being the fixer, the problem-solver, the one who’s always “on”. This is when you need to be comfortable talking about it. You shouldn’t feel like you are always doing more work just as your partner shouldn’t have to feel that way either. Talk about it before it becomes a situation you can’t recover from.
Respect, support, and understanding.
Role reversal by definition is essentially adopting a role that is opposite of what a situation assumes of them. This allows for a new perspective and appreciation to develop. If you can put yourself literally in the other person’s shoes, you will understand them better, you will be able to support them better. It cultivates an environment of respect for one another. Ryan respects that I make more money. He supported me through all my job changes, and he understands my need to be creative and feel fulfilled outside of my normal job. I respect his contributions to our marriage. I support him in going back to school, and I understand when he needs space and when he needs help. This is how you form and nurture mutually beneficial relationships.
Having someone by your side makes the difficult times easier to handle, the victories more celebratory, and life more fun.
But only if certain factors are true:
If you let traditional role beliefs die.
If you embrace role reversal.
If you realize that partnerships are not 50/50.
If you both can respect, support, and understand each other.
Until next week,
