It’s Not Me, It’s You
You are not responsible for other people’s perceptions of you.
Learn how to stop letting other people’s perspectives affect your life.
Though you are not responsible for that perception, you should still be mindful of how you portray yourself. Your tone, your actions, your words are often the first representation that people get of you. They illustrate the cover of your story. The pages are filled with pieces and experiences that shaped you, pushed you, and rattled you. Not everyone will look past your cover to read your story. And therefore, they will never get to know the whole you. So don’t think you are responsible for how they see you if they don’t look further.
People will judge, jump to conclusions, make their own assumptions.
I remember making some terrible first impressions of people who ended up becoming really good friends to me. It’s human nature to do. It doesn’t make anyone a bad human. What makes someone a bad human is if they act on it, if they make their assumptions reality without knowing the truth. How do they know you aren’t going through something? How do they know that you are just having an “off” day? If someone is deciding to judge you by an encounter, it’s not someone you want to keep around.
It’s important for you to know who you are at the core.
And it’s even more important that you accept yourself. Don’t let others’ distorted views of you alter your view of yourself. Unless you are hurting others, have malicious intentions, or act as if there are no consequences, you are in no way responsible or required to change yourself or their view of you. Before you start changing yourself, make sure you know why and who you are changing yourself for. It’s your life and you should be living it for YOU. Always remember that.
An example I love to use about perception is tattoos.
I just got my 7th one after my trip to Iceland. Ryan and I started getting them as souvenirs from our trips over the last few years. Most of my tattoos aren’t visible, but I’ve become braver with the placements. What had made me so cautious for so long was wondering what others would think of me and my tattoos. Would I be less respected at work? Would the older population think less of me? Would people think I’m doing other “frowned upon” activities?
But the truth is that having tattoos didn’t change who I was. It didn’t suddenly take away my skills as a nurse, it didn’t make me less compassionate. It didn’t make me start doing drugs, illegal activity, or worshipping Satan. But I did feel like I got slightly more badass with each one, so there’s that. I don’t know when exactly I stopped caring what other people perceived from looking at them. Somewhere after tattoo 5, I started to get comfortable with the possibility of making others uncomfortable. It’s like the first set of chains came off.
It is not your responsibility to make others see you in a certain way.
You have to learn to let that go and realize that it doesn’t matter. You don’t need to tell your side of the story, you don’t need to make sure everyone sees what you want them to see. I wasted so much time and energy trying to polish my image and reputation for people who didn’t care to see the truth anyway. Frankly, it was exhausting and pointless. Especially after my previous relationship and move from my hometown. I needed to escape a situation that was going nowhere. A situation that was rather abusive for me, full of gaslighting, tampered with my growth, and hindered my progress in many aspects. It’s amazing what you hear about yourself. Particularly when you learn it came from people you thought knew you best.
Here I was, doing what I needed to do for me after trying and failing to create perfect environments around me for everyone for so long. People will make their own versions of you. You will be the villain in some stories even if you were the hero in yours. I couldn’t force people to see me the way I wanted them to if their mind was set. Once I finally realized that and, more importantly accepted it, I stopped letting it affect me. I stopped caring about it altogether. That is when the second set of chains unlocked, and I was free.
Another problem with taking people’s perception of you to heart is that it stops you from doing things.
How many times did you worry about what someone else would think of you if you did something, said something, liked something, commented on something, shared something? I’m sure you share all the quotes and memes about doing things that scare you, not caring what other people say, being your truest self, etc. But are you actually doing that? Are you just simply sharing these motivational posts and not actually living your best life because you are living it for other people? You are the mountain in your own way on your path to personal growth and development. Stop giving yourself unnecessary challenges. Life is already hard, take this obstacle out of your way.
Be you, do you, but always be kind.
Just as they don’t know what you are going through, you don’t know what they are going through. Don’t judge a book by its cover, don’t believe your first impression of someone, and don’t let their judgment of you change you. Let that shit go. Because damn was it freeing when I just stopped caring.
So let them talk. Keep writing your story however you choose. Fill out those blank pages of your book. Because your life is about you. Not someone’s perception of you.
It’s not you, it’s them.
Until next week,
